Sunday, July 8, 2007

Preaching Preening Pop Plonkers

Hero of the Day: Alan Turing
"Oi! Madonna! You SUUUUCK!"
Listen up, all ye faithful...
Can somebody please tell me what in the name of Jesus, John, George and Ringo gives Simon Le Bon a right to lecture me about my carbon footprint?
"Put your hands up in the air if you didn't come here on a private jet!" he bellowed sanctimoniously at the crowd of adoring haircuts at Live Earth this weekend.
Of course this was his cue to raise his own hand, thus sticking a finger up at all those cynical types who made the (valid) point about overpaid tossers such as Monsieur Le Bon lecturing us about the environment whilst jumping in his Porsche every time he needed to pay a visit to the kazi.
Of course, obediently, all the little people in the crowd put their hands in the air. But Le Bon Bon wasn't interested in whether THEY had taken a plane to the concert. No no. He already knows that the riff raff don't have private jets. Ho ho! What he was talking about was the likes of him... you know, the people of quality.
People with wealth.
And there you have it.
Listen Bon Bon. Sit down and shut the fuck up. Same goes for you Madonna and fucking Genesis and fucking Shakira and all the rest of you coffee table music wankers. It's people like you who are fucking the planet up. Not us. You. With your fucking four houses in England and two in the USA and your private jets and your turbo charged baby buggy with matching cybernetic Filipino nanny. Why the fuck should we have to dutifully get on the tube to listen to even more of your unspeakable drivel in the name of the environment when the quickest and most effective way of reducing CO2 emissions would be to simply drop every one of you in the sea?
Don't fucking lecture me, Bon Bon, when the most you've ever done for the environment is to reuse the same pair of socks. Who the fuck are you to prance about on stage in the name of Save the Planet when the only reason you're up there is because Al Gore hasn't got the first clue about music and it's the only chance you've had to play a gig outside of Ladies Night at the Amersham Arms for twenty years?
Piss off the lot of you.
And Al. Mate. Please, mate. Just listen.
We don't need to be told about global warming. They do.
Us, the little people, we recycle, cycle and switch off at the mains and have been for years. Madonna has six houses and acres and acres of land... which she has kicked the natives off. She also uses a private jet... regularly. So fuck her and her written-in-five-minutes droning bollocks song about global warming. She can kiss my arse and get the fuck out of my country.
And as for the rest of them, they each consume and burn more than an average African nation. So rather than singing at me, maybe they could spend the time reveiwing THEIR fucking lifestyles.
Turn off the music Al. It's shit.

4 comments:

The Little Cheese said...

Amen! Le Bon may not have gone there in a private jet but his suit looked pretty environmentally UNfriendly to me. What a bunch of patronising tossers.

Around My Kitchen Table said...

HERE, HERE! Another brill posting, Mr W.
Story from one of the Sundays: Madge's charitable foundation owns shares worth £1.35-million in seven firms that are among the top polluters in America.
"Coffee table music wankers" (love that phrase!) indeed.

Ron said...

And I thought I was doing my bit for the environment by holding my weekly "old mattress" burning parties in Dagenham, which here is a local pastime. I find that it clears the air of all those shitty little moffs whot clog up the night air and get into your drink.

BUT he's right you know. Throw another politician on the bonfire, it's getting a bit cold....

Grannys.Myth.Peeler said...

Al gore lecturing the English about global warming

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahah!

Chance would be a fine thing. It’s f**king freezing over here.

& as for all oh them music types like that bono chap, well what about all his world wide concerts. How did he get from a to b without burning a few fossils. (& I thought we were supposed to preserve our history). Not to mention how do all the concert goers get there. They get in their motors that’s how, on a night when they would ordinarily be at home perhaps.

Take, Take That for instance. Their fans scream a bit more. Thus adding more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere. Selfish bastards.

The very least they could have done was made the gig an acoustic session. Wiv candles. Innit!