Hero of the Day: Alan Turing
Listen up, all ye faithful...
Can somebody please tell me what in the name of Jesus, John, George and Ringo gives Simon Le Bon a right to lecture me about my carbon footprint?
"Put your hands up in the air if you didn't come here on a private jet!" he bellowed sanctimoniously at the crowd of adoring haircuts at Live Earth this weekend.
Of course this was his cue to raise his own hand, thus sticking a finger up at all those cynical types who made the (valid) point about overpaid tossers such as Monsieur Le Bon lecturing us about the environment whilst jumping in his Porsche every time he needed to pay a visit to the kazi.
Of course, obediently, all the little people in the crowd put their hands in the air. But Le Bon Bon wasn't interested in whether THEY had taken a plane to the concert. No no. He already knows that the riff raff don't have private jets. Ho ho! What he was talking about was the likes of him... you know, the people of quality.
People with wealth.
And there you have it.
And there you have it.
Listen Bon Bon. Sit down and shut the fuck up. Same goes for you Madonna and fucking Genesis and fucking Shakira and all the rest of you coffee table music wankers. It's people like you who are fucking the planet up. Not us. You. With your fucking four houses in England and two in the USA and your private jets and your turbo charged baby buggy with matching cybernetic Filipino nanny. Why the fuck should we have to dutifully get on the tube to listen to even more of your unspeakable drivel in the name of the environment when the quickest and most effective way of reducing CO2 emissions would be to simply drop every one of you in the sea?
Don't fucking lecture me, Bon Bon, when the most you've ever done for the environment is to reuse the same pair of socks. Who the fuck are you to prance about on stage in the name of Save the Planet when the only reason you're up there is because Al Gore hasn't got the first clue about music and it's the only chance you've had to play a gig outside of Ladies Night at the Amersham Arms for twenty years?
Piss off the lot of you.
And Al. Mate. Please, mate. Just listen.
We don't need to be told about global warming. They do.
Us, the little people, we recycle, cycle and switch off at the mains and have been for years. Madonna has six houses and acres and acres of land... which she has kicked the natives off. She also uses a private jet... regularly. So fuck her and her written-in-five-minutes droning bollocks song about global warming. She can kiss my arse and get the fuck out of my country.
And as for the rest of them, they each consume and burn more than an average African nation. So rather than singing at me, maybe they could spend the time reveiwing THEIR fucking lifestyles.
Turn off the music Al. It's shit.