Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Shoot the fat bloke

hero of the day: Joseph Bazalgette

Listen up...

As anyone who has been party to my judgements before will know, I am not a fan of J K Rowling and the Harry Potter bollocks that she spawned. One of the many reasons for this is the grotesque greed that has taken control of all who are associated with it. Emma Watson (smug Hermione bitch!) delayed signing for the latest drivel and stuck her nose in the air until the producers doubled her fee. Doubled it. For fuck's sake the girl was already on a million... and she's seventeen for Christ's sake! What makes me pull my hair out all the more is that there's seems to be not a shred of embarrassment about the girl. She seems to have absolutely no qualms at all about demanding such money. It wouldn't be quite so bad if she could at least act! Myself, I would be ashamed to ask for such ridiculous amounts of cash.

But I'd be in the minority.

Little Harry wanker himself is on 8 million. I mean fuck my eldest camel with a traffic cone, what the hell is wrong with us?! This fucker's balls haven't dropped and he's already worth more than Uzbekistan. Nobody questions this or worries about it. Greed is good. All of us want to be rich. The richer the better. The less we have the smaller our penis. The more we have the bigger our libido. A big wallet and a stupid car will make me a man these days and nothing else. Hooray for consumption.

But where's it going to end? The more rich people that exist, the harder it is for the rest of us to lead anything resembling a normal life. Most of my generation can't afford a house to live in because all the rich people have bought five. The planet is melting and the ice caps are disappearing and the poor are getting poorer and we're still buying the Harry Potter books. It's got to stop. This is where the wealthy people accuse me of being a communist. I'm no communist but look around you and tell me honestly that capitalism is working. Under what other regime would we consider the survival of the planet to be of secondary importance to economic growth? It's insanity.

There is hope however.

And it lies with Potter.

Booksellers are actually glad that Jay Kay has finally given us all a break and stopped writing the bloody things. The reason is that so many people buy them, the supermarkets (the Greater Daemons of Greed) can put in ludicrous advanced orders before they're even out, enabling them in turn to undercut the bookshops. So in the end the only choice anyone has is to sell the fucking things at a loss. So as always, the little people make nothing and Jay Kay gets even richer. But at least it is opening our eyes just a little to the madness of modern capitalism. And therein lies the hope.

So listen to the Witchfynder, because it'll save a lot of lives and a planet. Don't do a Hermione and go around believing that immense amounts of money and opulent lifestyles are your right. They're not. Nobody should have that sort of money, the planet just can't support it. Be grateful for what you've got and give away lots to those who have got fuck all (because there are more and more of those people around these days). The one thing I will say about Jay Kay is that she's generous... she's a terrible author, but she's generous. So I salute her... or at least I would salute her if she hadn't written those awful books.

Don't believe in Thatcher and her gimme, gimme, gimme bollocks. She was an idiot.

Greed is lethal. It starts wars. It dries the planet out. It burns forests. It clogs the air with shit.

Greed will kill us.

Make no mistake about it.


Around My Kitchen Table said...

All your apposite commentary and sharp-edged satire and what's the phrase that has stuck in my puerile brain?
"I mean fuck my eldest camel with a traffic cone."
Still laughing.

Old Knudsen said...

Its easy for rich people to buy hybrids and care about the planet from their mansions while they preach to us poor fat people feeding off fast food.

Old Knudsen said...

TV to the Bozos.