Bollocks to Uncle Sam

hero of the day: Christopher Walken

Here's how it is...

It has become fashionable for those of us with a degree in humanities (i.e. 68% of the entire country) to criticize the USA.

I myself am no friend of fashionable. Fashionable is shit and for cowards. I say "bollocks" to fasionable.

But I can't help but say "bollocks" to Uncle Sam 'n' all.

And this is why....

The Americans are going to get us all killed.

It really is that simple.

With the Americans in control of the planet apocalypse, megadeath and global catastrophe hang at our doorstep like heavily armed Jehovah's witnesses.

It is a nation brought up from the cradle on kill-the-towelhead jingoism and yee-haw Jesus loves me. It is a nation so ignorant of history that 20 million US citizens have searched the internet for video footage of the War of Independence. It is a nation of which one quarter believes the world will end as described in the bible. (Gospel truth)

I'll start with an old chestnut. A chestnut with which every limey will no doubt be very familiar. Your average American genuinely expects every Brit they meet to say 'thank you' for saving us from the Nazis and often expresses outrage and disgust that such gratitude is seldom forthcoming.

In case there happens to be an American reading this, confused at my implication that such gratitude is in fact undeserved, I will elaborate a tadge.

Britain and France went to war with Hitler on the 3rd September 1939 after he invaded Poland and were promptly bitch slapped into the Channel. Britain was then bombed and harrassed, beseiged and battered for two years. Nobody came to her aid. Despite desperate pleas from Churchill, the USA did fuck all and at one point congress even debated joining the war on Hitler's side because it looked like he was going to win (real heroes!).

Then the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour and suddenly the USA got all brave and courageous.

America sent the mother of all forces to wreak vengeance on the nips, whilst paying the obligatory lip service to the fight against Hitler.

Then Hitler declared war on the USA (the only official declaration of war the Nazis ever made) and so Uncle Sam shrugged his shoulders and kicked off with Adolf after all.

And yeah, they helped. They gave us lots of money... and then demanded it all back with interest rates so crippling that even my dad remembers rationing... and he was born two years after the fucking war ENDED!

Like I say. Real heroes.

So no, Uncle Sam, you didn't bail us out. I'll tell you who did but you won't like it.

It was the Russians actually.

An estimated 25 million Russians died fighting the Nazis. And whilst the Soviets were throwing whole armies into the German meatgrinder, the western allies dithered and farted, only finally deciding to "liberate" Europe to stop the Soviets getting there first.

But back to the present day.

Do we find the Americans any wiser?

Do we find the USA to be a country of learning, of experience, of progress?

Not really.

This is a country that carpet bombs weaker nations for the good of democracy and rigs a vote in Florida so the correct white person can be installed in the White House. This is a country that claims to be the voice of progress and reason and yet nurtures a fear and an awe of Christianity that would not look out of place in medieval Spain. And this is the country that is going to destroy your planet because it makes financial sense.

Listen people, I'd rather be pushed around by the yanks than the mullahs but the fact remains that they're going to get every man jack of us killed. Politically they are and always have been a stupid nation and they will remain stupid until the day the whole sorry place is vapourised because they just won't listen to anyone.

Except Jesus, of course. They'll listen to him apparently.

And Jesus was well into carpet bombing weaker people wasn't he?